3 Gifts of Tantric Sex

Photo by Keila Hötzel on Unsplash

Photo by Keila Hötzel on Unsplash


Tantric sex (or sacred sex generally)* is one of the most precious gifts you can give yourself in this lifetime. 

Beyond the hallucinogenic-type experience of the moment itself, it has three profound implications that can completely transform how you view yourself, others, and the Universe/Source/Divinity/Whatever-You-Wanna-Call-It. If you can transform sex, a concept with an incredible amount of baggage and conditioning, into a sacred ritual, you can transform anything. I have seen this over and over in my clients, my peers, and myself.

Sacred Sexuality Coach wasn’t an obvious occupation for me. I was raised a devout Mormon in the heart of Utah Valley. As with many people there, my views of the body (especially the female body), sex, and pleasure were incredibly skewed. I completely believed that sex could be a good thing… in the context of (vanilla) heterosexual marriage.

Outside of that, I considered sex a disgusting, forbidden behavior that only sinners indulged in due to their moral weakness. If I wore even vaguely immodest clothing, I was sinning by tempting all the males around me. Men just couldn’t help themselves and as a female, I was created by God to be morally stronger. The responsibility fell on my shoulders to help them stay on the straight and narrow. 

Not all teachings around women and sexuality were so dark, but even in the more positive discussions, sex was a disgusting act humans were bound to by biology. Sexuality was something to be overcome or leveraged, either for the purpose of making children or keeping men from leaving their wives. Nothing more.

Needless to say, when I left the Mormon church at 18 my sexuality was pretty messed up. So like any good millennial, I turned to the internet for answers. After digging through what felt like hundreds of cosmo-style lists of terrible sex tips, I stumbled upon Tantra (the wisdom tradition behind Tantric sex) and holistic sexuality. They didn’t just give lip service to how special my sexuality was, they invited me to be curious about my own body and reconnect with her on my own terms. 

Under the careful guidance of wise, safe teachers, I began meditating on my pleasure. I learned to feel and move the sexual energy in my body. I connected profoundly to myself, be it my deepest pain or my highest delight. My pussy changed from a shameful piece of anatomy to a source of magical transformation and love. 

I fell in love with my sexuality, my body, and my world. Eventually, I learned how to connect deeply to the Universe directly through my pleasure. I discovered the incredible safety and healing that comes from touching Source with the most vulnerable part of me

Once I started seeing reality, myself, and pleasure as physical manifestations of All-That-Is, countless elements of my life changed for the better. Everyone’s path is unique and what they will get out of Tantric sex will be just as individual as they are. However, I have seen there are three main gifts that almost everyone going down this path receives.

1. Epic sex. Sex, sensuality, even the simple cozy pleasure of snuggling, became exquisite. Rather than a simple “part of life”, these experiences became incredibly nourishing and joy-bringing. Basking in physical sensation became my sanctuary and I guided many of my partners there too. Even if it was something as simple as the joy of running my fingers through my hair, I fell in love with every feeling. 

Sensation makes me feel deeply and profoundly alive. No day is wasted, no moment passes by unlived when you ground yourself in the sensations of the present moment. Relationships (with others or with yourself) blossom when founded upon such a rich, shared pleasure. 

I started out wanting simply “better sex” and what I got blew my mind in ways I never knew was possible. When it comes to improving your sexual experience, if buying a new sex toy is like basic arithmetic, then Tantric sex is like calculus.

2. Sexual healing. I honestly thought that the messages of my upbringing would haunt my intimate moments for the rest of my life. I thought that there was little to nothing I could do to move beyond a past so entrenched in my body.

Fortunately, I was deeply wrong. Using a combination of healing techniques from my teachers and my own internal wisdom, my body and I did heal. We released and forgave things I never thought I would get over. Practice after practice, I slowly let go of heartbreaks, old stories I’d been telling myself, lessons of patriarchy and Mormonism, and deep conditioning that had been holding my soul hostage in ways I didn’t even consciously realize. 

By embracing the totality of my experience past and present, loving my fears and accepting my sadness, I set myself free from my past. Memories that once dictated my reality became less and less significant until they became nothing but a footnote. In many ways, sexual healing is always a work in progress, but I have found a level of liberation and wholeness I never thought possible.

3. Embodied spiritual experiences. Tantric sex gave me profound moments of Divinity entirely by myself. No priest, no book, no tradition was telling me what to experience or it meant. It was just me and the Universe basking together in the present moment. 

These profound experiences gave me the gift of an incredibly solid spiritual and emotional foundation. In addition to a profound sense of peace and security throughout my life, I am much more emotionally self-sufficient than I once was. 

I usually stay present in situations that used to trigger the hell out of me. In many instances where I once was reactive, I now stay grounded. Of course, it isn’t 100% of the time, but my knee-jerk reaction has changed from stress and blame to compassion and self-care. 

Because I feel that I am loved, that I am profoundly safe, that I inherently belong to the Universe, all the little (and not so little) bumps of life feel less significant than they once did. Each practice teaches me more and more. Each meditation helps me to be conscious that I am conscious. 

We intrinsically know that these gifts are our birthright and that sex is a powerful pathway there. There wouldn’t be so many draconian societal rules and expectations around dating, marriage, flirting, intercourse, women’s behavior and bodies, STIs, etc. if sex wasn’t immensely powerful. It’s par for the course for our culture to highly regulate everything that profoundly changes people. 

Like so many things of a spiritual nature, words can never truly describe, but only point to concepts and truths. The final gift of Tantric sex is no different. But when it comes down to it, the best way I can describe it is this: Think of that sense of awe that you get while looking at the stars. Imagine feeling that way about your own body, heart, and soul. Take that sense of wordless appreciation and apply it to everyone and everything around you. Live daily from that place.

If this is something that intrigues you, stay curious and try it for yourself. Experiment. Go at whatever pace is best for you. Tantric sex can look like intense partnered intercourse or a cozy cuddle session with yourself. All that matters is your intention to experience pleasure, heal, and connect to something larger than yourself. 

*By sex, I am referring to any type of sexual activity, either with partner/s or by yourself.

Loving this? Find more by scheduling a free consultation with me. You can also follow me on Twitter @mksacredsex or send an email to michelle@michellekildare.com.