Never Have Boring Sex Again

Photo by Tom Hermans on Unsplash

Photo by Tom Hermans on Unsplash

 

Most porn is insulting to the art of sex.

A shitty plot premise leads to foreplay. This is quickly pushed through in favor of intense, friction-based stimulation. Eventually, there is the climax of a tension-filled and/or fake orgasm. Over and over and over.

Sex is an infinitely creative endeavor, with countless expressions and possibilities. Reducing this beautiful, intensely personal, painfully human experience to an x + y = z formula is just plain offensive. 

It’s like playing the note A-sharp on the piano over. 

And over. 

And over. 

With slightly different rhythms.

And calling it music.

Deep down, we all know this. We know in our bones there is more to sex. We know that what we’re presented with culturally is just scratching the surface, if only we could figure out how to find out how to dive deeper...

I definitely used to feel this way. Given my upbringing in a capitalist society, my first instinct was to buy a product to make it better. And oh were there products!

Lingerie, toys, lube, vibrators, pillows… my collection filled a duffel bag. All these trinkets did help to a degree. They allowed me to branch from A-sharp to A and A-flat but that’s about it. Still no music.

I tried to get into the kinkier side of things, with rope and eye masks. This added a couple more notes to my range, but I still felt incredibly limited. To top it off, I felt that I was pushed to like these things. I thought this was what being sexually open meant, that if I wanted to be anything but boring ol’ vanilla I needed to enjoy chains and whips. 

This reduction of experience isn’t just a creative travesty. By playing just a few notes over and over we quickly get bored with our partners and ourselves. 

Because what happens in bed so easily ripples out to the rest of your life this sexual repetition makes it easy to become disenchanted with life itself. As the years go on, life becomes mundane and repetitive. The magic of the world loses its sparkle and becomes background. The miracle of your life becomes nothing but a stage set.

The easiest way to experience something new is to grab a new partner. Depending on your relationship style this may be easy or painful to do. However, no matter how many partners you have, if you play one or two sexual notes over and over you’ll never find the real music of sexuality. 

But there are an incredible amount of ways to expand your sexual range. In fact, there is an entire keyboard of potential sexual experience if you are down to discover it.

You can use a wide variety of combinations of movement, breath, and sound.

You can have an infinite number of intentions at the start of sex.

You can bring deities and elements into the situation.

You can have sex without any touching at all

You can have sex with God/Divine/Source/Goddess/The Universe.

You can use sex to heal, to process, to explore, to play, to mourn, to delight.

You can have sex for 5 minutes. You can have sex for 5 hours.

You can have peaceful, cozy sex. You can have powerful, fiery sex. You can have dark, shadowy sex. You can have sweet, surrendered sex. You can have soft, receiving sex. You can have demonic, lustful sex. 

You can have energy orgasms, breast-gasms, anal-gasms, chakra-gasms, cosmic orgasms, looping orgasms, full-body orgasms, valley orgasms, and a wide variety of sensations and durations, multiples, and intensities of each.

It is a long, fascinating journey to reach this level of sexual mastery, but here is a key technique to get you started. 

Essence Embodiment Sex

  1. Before sex or during the initial moments, consciously decide what type of flavor or essence you want to experience. Romantic? Surrendered? Powerful? Teasing? Use the world around you and inside of you for inspiration on this front. Literally, anything goes.

  2. Scan your body. Feel for the home of that essence inside of you. Does this essence reside in your heart? Your belly? Your feet? Don’t think too hard about this, just go with your impulse, with whatever bubbles up first. Let your focus go to that area of your body.

  3. Embody the essence. Let the essence that you’ve chosen ripple from that area and fill your body. Become romance, surrender, or power.

  4. Make love from that place by following whatever impulses arise from moment to moment. Do your best to stay focused on what is happening in the present moment and how your body feels. Beyond presence and following your impulse, there are no requirements. Penetration is not necessary. Orgasm is not necessary. 


If your chosen essence feels pretty far outside of what you normally do in bed, like you want to try being domineering and powerful when you’re usually sweet and surrendered, let your partner know. “Hey, I wanna try something new this time,” is usually enough of a heads up. 

Keep in mind that just because you’re on a mission to expand your sexual range doesn’t mean you have to abandon the good ol’ routine that has served you so well over the years. I recommend a 50/50 split between old and new when incorporating anything different into your sexuality. Your genitals may not be as fast on the uptake as your brain, so pendulating between familiar and novel can help stabilize the new neuronal pathways that are being built with each experience.

With this technique, the only limit to your sexual experience is your imagination. The world is full of essences and flavors to try. 

You can fuck the same person thousands of times over the course of a lifetime and never have sex the same way twice.

Even if something seems a little weird (like making love with the essence of melancholy) give it a shot. If it’s not your cup of tea you don’t have to do it again, but your life and your sexuality are made richer by the experience.

Don’t just play one or two notes. Play the whole keyboard. Play classical, play jazz, play experimental, play relaxing soundscapes. Play for hours. Just fiddle around and play a few keys once in a while. Your body is an instrument and sex is the broadest artistic medium. You can create any experience you can imagine. Set your sexual creativity free. 


If you are loving this content and want to dive deeper, let’s meet! Sign-up for a free consultation. In this call, I will help you clarify your deepest desire and see what I can do to help you meet it.

If you have any questions about this article, your free consultation, or anything else please tweet me @MKsacredsex or send an email to michelle@michellekildare.com