Tantric Sex for Beginners: 5 Must-Know Essentials

Photo by Nathan Lindahl on Unsplash

Photo by Nathan Lindahl on Unsplash

IImagine an orgasm that ripples through your entire body like a tidal wave of gold. Imagine pleasure obliterating your sense of self and launching you into the cosmos. You simultaneously feel like you’re flying and don’t feel your body anymore. You are completely one with the Universe and everything in it.

Afterward, you are filled with a spacious joy that lasts for days with a juicy aliveness that radiates from you.

That’s what Tantric sex feels like.

Though Classical Tantra (the kind practiced centuries ago in India) doesn’t have direct sexual practices, it still offers a deep philosophy that, when applied to sex, is incredibly powerful.

The core of Tantra (which I discuss in greater detail here) is finding holiness in EVERYTHING, even things that are usually considered “dirty,” such as sex and death.

Tantric sex is a complex art-form that takes dedication and personalized guidance to master. However, here are five fundamental principles that are essential to a Tantric sexual experience.

  1. Sexual Energy. As I describe in more detail in my article about sexual energy, it’s a form of energy that we typically describe as “turn-on”, “chemistry”, or “sparks.” During Tantric sex, you use your breath and focus to manipulate this sexual energy. With practice, you’ll learn how to move it throughout your body. By moving it in specific patterns and locations, you’ll achieve different effects.

  2. Connection to the Universe. If we take the time to think about it, most of us can recognize how connected we are to each other and all other beings. We all breathe the same air, live on the same planet, eat, sleep, drink, and fall in love. Despite our differences and uniqueness, we’re all the same at a fundamental level. Before/during a sexual encounter, recognize how connected you are to others. Acknowledge how every being knows touch, knows pleasure, knows pain, knows desire. Whether you experience this as a sensation in your body, emotion in your heart, or thought in your mind, appreciate it. Even if you’re alone with your vibrator if you connect deeply to other beings your experience becomes much more powerful and meaningful.

  3. Intention. Before (or in the early stages) of a Tantric sexual encounter, setting an intention is crucial for getting the results you want. Just as a particular fragrance can be “for cleansing”, “for relaxation”, or “for energy” depending on how it’s marketed, a particular sexual session can have a designated purpose. Your intention may be “to draw closer to my partner”, “to have an epic cervical orgasm”, “to merge with the Divine”, or whatever your soul most deeply desires at that moment.

  4. Consecration. Tantra is a deeply devotional path. Worship, prayer, and deities play a significant role. Whether you believe these deities exist outside of you or have a different interpretation (see my article on deities for more on this front) they play a role in Tantric sex. Before or in the early stages of a sexual encounter, decide what entity/deity/higher being you want to offer your experience up to. It may be the goddess, the energy of love, the element of water, your highest self, Source, the Great Mystery, or whatever feels right for you. Pro-tip: For particularly potent effects, try to remember your intention and your consecration at the point of orgasm. It takes practice to do this, but it’s epic when you nail it.

  5. Rest with Gratitude. Tantric sex affects people in different ways. Some people report feeling high like they took LSD. Some people are really energized and if they have it too late at night it interferes with their sleep. Others it’s deeply relaxing and restorative. You can even experience several of these in depending on the experience or something completely different entirely.


Whatever the result, be conscious of it and be grateful for everything that you’ve experienced. Even if you didn’t get your intention, even if you didn’t experience what you thought you would or wanted to, be grateful that you took a chance and tried. Be grateful for what’s real for you in the present moment

One or all of these elements can be incorporated into any sexual or sensual encounter. Some of my most “Tantric sex” experiences were created by just rocking my hips or stroking my skin. You can experience Tantric sex alone during self-pleasure, an orgie, or anything in between.

Tantric sex is just one of many types of sacred sexuality ( I talk about sacred sexuality more generally here ). Though Tantra gets a lot of attention for it, you can find concepts of sex as spiritual in Taoism, Kabbalah, Paganism, and other traditions. The details may vary from system to system, but using your deepest carnal nature to touch the Divine is one of the most beautiful things you can experience in this life.

One of the beauties of sacred sexuality is that its effects go beyond the bedroom. Once you experience sex as holy, other “profane” elements of your life start to become more magical. You easily see the sacred in your spouse, your neighbor, even your job. Love for your body, the portal for these incredible experiences, slowly grows until it becomes as natural as breathing. Like any effective spiritual practice, bad habits and conditioning begin to fall away as you connect more regularly to your divine essence.

If this piques your curiosity, give it a try and let me know how it goes. If you send an email to michelle@michellekildare.com I’ll do my best to get back to you within 24–48 business hours. Good luck!